Diary of a Confused Mom: July 21st 2014

I've been finding potatoes all over our house. Little Z's been redecorating again. His infatuation with potato art and pulling all our shoes off the shoe racks baffles and yet amuses me.

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Diary of a Confused Mom: July 20th 2014

I don't think my boys know what the meaning of quiet is. Not a matter of refusing to cooperate or being defiant, no, the problem runs far deeper.

They just have no idea what quiet would mean. They cannot imagine what quiet would look and sound like.


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Diary of a Confused Mom: July 17th 2014

Listening to my boys today,  couldn't help but remember that one year ago they were saying things like "No-lah," "Let's go to the pool-lah" adding 'lah' to the end of most phrases like a true Malaysian local would.

A year before that, they were conversing with children in a small Romanian town in what I've been told was fluent Romanian, while learning the words to "O Tannenbaum," the German version of "Oh Christmas Tree."

Today, in true Texas fashion they exclaim "Aw, Dang it!"

I cannot fathom how these boys will turn out, but I'm quite certain they will have a broad-spectrum of skills and a great deal of confusion.


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Diary of a Confused Mom: July 16th 2014

As soon as I'd shut the toilet door, little Z came crawling at high speed, sat behind the door and whimpered loudly. Finding am empty toilet roll insert, I pushed it gently under the door and watched as it slowly got pulled from the other side.

Today's greatest accomplishment: Five minutes of blissful toilet time.


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Book Review "Raising Global Nomads" by Robin Pascoe

This book is written by Canadian author Robin Pascoe, whose children grew up as Third Culture Kids (TCKs) as the family moved with the father's work to several locations around the world. Pascoe has given numerous presentations to expat families in many international schools around the world.

The book gives a good overview of the challenges expatriates may face. It outlines various things to consider and research before a move, and some ideas and tips on dealing with some of the issues that may arise as a result of this nomadic lifestyle, including important child rearing issues unique to this lifestyle or exaggerated by it. 

Pascoe does not go into any particular topic very deeply but rather touches on challenges faced by the modern nomadic family. Think more magazine article style - making a list of points important to the topic and discussing them briefly while giving some useful pointers. It's like a series of these articles covering many relevant matters of an expat life.

The target audience is clearly families that generally move to a new country every few years. The book is also mainly written from the perspective of a North American moving to other parts of the world. Many aspects of Pascoe's experience as a Canadian living abroad are relevant to all global nomads but readers originally from other parts of the world may not relate to many of her examples or repatriation experiences. 

Repatriation, also takes on a whole new meaning if parents are TCKs and were already global nomads as children themselves. This makes the experience go beyond simply returning home and adjusting the children there because home is already a vague destination.

What resonated most with me personally, was the contribution from Barbara Schaetti entitled "A Most Excellent Journey." This is the final section of the book and covers an important topic - identity search for Third Culture Kids. In this section, Schaetti showed the stages of identity development for global nomads and gave a discussion on how parents can offer some support and guidance on this matter. 

Suggestions like familiarizing our children with the terms "Third Culture Kids" and "Global Nomads" so they have a starting point for research when they embark on identity exploration are very helpful. Also, the point that struggling with identity is a stage all adolescents go through but that it might be delayed and compounded for TCKs is an important one to consider. Ideally parents want to help their children (and if they are TCKs like me, themselves) to figure out who they are and realize they are in a unique situation compared to what she terms "homegrown" peers.

Resolution can be beneficial if they become what she calls 'constructively marginal global nomads' and she says: "While they may not feel at home anywhere, constructively marginal global nomads feel somewhat at home everywhere..." This rings true for someone like me, struggling myself to find 'home' and therefore not having a clue where to start to help my children.


I found some of Pascoe's tips very useful and below are my favorite ones from this book:

1. The creation of family traditions as an important grounding point for global nomads- I've discussed this more in depth here.

2. The idea of creating a 'clean team.' When Pascoe returned to Canada and house help was not available for her family like it was in Asia and other overseas postings, she planned that once a week, as a family, they would clean the house together. 

This has been a great addition to our lives! It's a relief for me ,and a team building activity for the family (regardless of the complaints I received from the boys - husband included).

3. The importance of repatriation and intentionally preparing for it, even while still living internationally. I hadn't given this idea too much thought but it is very very sound advice.

4. Teaching children responsibility and accountability - expat or not this is important, but it does tend to be essential in a life where material things come more easily and the stresses of moving and readjusting may cause some parents to overlook these crucial elements of raising wonderful people.

Diary of a Confused Mom: July 15th 2014

While practicing their kicks at Taekwondo today, the instructor asked what they had to remember to maintain their balance. Naturally, O was the one who remembered the tip she had previously given them, and raised his hand eagerly to share. She acknowledged his response immediately and emphatically, "Yes! Squeeze your butt!"

My two seem to never tire of chuckling at that one.

Back at home, O informed me that the word 'buttock' was in fact found in their dictionary at school, "with a description and everything." 

I said "yes, it's the official word for..." and he chimed in nonchalantly with "the fleshy part of your romp." I couldn't contain my giggles.

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Diary of a Confused Mom: July 13th 2014

The events of the past days have been a good reminder of how blessed one is. Sometimes, a couple of life's curve balls really knock things into perspective. I wonder if this has anything to do with my renewed prayers to remain humble?

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Diary of a Confused Mom: July 10th 2014

Little Z has become quite adept at emptying the contents of any drawers or cabinets within his reach. And now that he pulls up and likes to stand on tip toes, his reach has expanded as well.

When I call his name because he's pulling something out that he shouldn't, he now reaches to hand it to me right away with an innocent look. I have to admit, it melts my heart.

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Book Review: "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" Faber & Mazlish

This is absolutely one of my favorite parenting books of all time! I first read it 8 years ago and have read it roughly once a year, every year, since then.

In fact, I see it more as a blueprint for effective communication than a parenting book because the skills it outlines are useful when communicating with anyone. The ideas in the book are by no means radically new, but their simplicity and common sense are what makes this such a great - and fairly easy - read.

In each chapter, Faber and Mazlish discuss a communication concept - with discussions and examples from their workshops followed by cartoons illustrating the communication 'skill' learned vs the ineffective way. Each chapter then ends with a quick summary sheet (which proves extremely useful after you've read the book and just want to recap the ideas as you practice them).

The first chapter discussed the simple yet overlooked concept of acknowledging a child's feelings. When a child comes crying to you because they are hurt - either physically or emotionally - it makes the world of difference to just acknowledge their feelings, out loud. This not only helps young children better learn to identify and name their feelings (a crucial skill for emotional intelligence) but to feel safe and understood so they can share more with you and be more willing to contribute to finding a solution.

The chapters that follow are just as invaluable, covering concepts such as describing a situation instead of blaming or nagging, and guiding a child problem solve rather than rushing in with advice. There is even a chapter that discusses the most effective way to praise a child and one about alternatives to punishment.

At first it isn't easy to retrain ourselves to communicate this way (hence my having to reread the book and refresh my memory annually), but with a little diligence it gets easier and works wonders. I know because I've tried it and have seen the amazing results not just with my sons but also with my husband and even siblings and friends. Who doesn't appreciate feeling acknowledged, understood and like they have support yet the freedom to effectively take ownership of their problems?

Faber & Mazlish have many excellent books out, including "Siblings Without Rivalry," "How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk," etc. They are all worth reading as well, but if I were to pick one, at least to start off with, this is the one I would choose. It's a communication skills book that expands way beyond the parent child relationship and these are skills that can easily be translated into adult relationships even in the workplace.

This book is easy to read and follow through, with a clear layout and concepts explained simply and plainly. The hardest part is implementing the new skills and making them a habit. Having said that, ever since I first read this book, I have been extremely passionate about this effective way of communicating and have used it successfully in many areas of my life, whether with my children, students or in adult conversation.

To see all the book reviews I have posted so far please click here.

Diary of a Confused Mom: July 5th 2014

At bedtime, O leaned over from the top bunk and said "Mommy, thank you for all that you've done for me."

I told him I loved him and blew him a kiss.

It's moments like these - rare as they may be - that a mom realizes that one day these children may blossom into fantastic human beings after all.

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Three Unconventional First Aid Items I Can't Live Without!

My Boys

They bounce and jump

and crash and bump

Climb any where, or thing, they choose

Then fall and bruise

Drag in the mud and dirt

scraped knees, blood and hurt

Kiss away their pain

and off they go again

Laughter and delight

bounding out of sight

Scrapes, bumps and bruises are just a regular part of my family's daily life. Like many boys (and girls), mine like to explore, experiment and release energy - sometimes in explosive bursts that end a little on the painful side for them.

It takes a lot to faze me now. We've had our fair share of accidents and illnesses ranging from mild bumps and scrapes to sudden fevers and severe bruises and since some of these things happen in locations we have lived in where medical care was sub par, we've often had to take matters into our own hands.

We once even glued a cut above my son's eye with medical glue and little plaster strips to avoid going to the hospital for stitches in  a location where the medical care was quite dubious.

We've used a host of home treatments but here are three items that I make sure I always have on hand and that have seen us through numerous mishaps throughout the years.

1. Arnica Cream

This is the ultimate solution for bruises. It soothes them and speeds up recovery. It also makes them less unsightly and the boys love that there is some care that can be given to their bruises.

Just be careful, it's not meant to be used on open wounds.







2. Calendula Cream/Ointment

The cream and ointment are basically the same except the ointment is stronger - and a lot more messy. I use both but generally go to the ointment if the cut looks bad.

This is my go to solution for any scrape or cut. It disinfects and promotes healing. I have also found that it soothes the sting of the cut.

Calendula was what the homeopath I follow up with recommended for my C-Section scar.

Once I cut my toe very badly on our stone fireplace. It was so deep and ghastly I could hardly look at it. I washed it and smothered in calendula ointment with a band aid to cover it for a few days. It was like magic.


3. Star of Anise

This is great to make into a tea and use when you have the flu or related viruses. This got me through a horrible flu when I was five months pregnant and visiting China. I didn't want to take medication so I sipped this tea often and it really made a difference.

I've had friends also report that helped them a lot when they had the flu. This was a tip from a doctor friend when we were once again in a place where proper medical care would have been scarce. He told me over the phone that Tammy Flu was actually made from an ingredient found in Star of Anise. Now my cabinets are always stacked of this stuff!

Diary of a Confused Mom: July 4th 2014

We had a terrific experience today - we could see the 4th of July fireworks from our living room! The boys had a blast and I thought I took some great photos, or so I thought until I realized one of them was scratching his behind in every photo.. 

He did not seem to feel any remorse once we discovered this.

Little Z on the other hand was happy with the fireworks, mainly because by pulling open the blinds to watch them, he now had access to the blind strings to chew on.

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