Diary of a Confused Mom: December 29th 2015

We have one broken thumb, one hand foot and mouth disease infestation, one busted knee, one messed up neck and one traumatized child because some grown ups haven't really grown up.

Diary of a Confused Mom: December 28th 2015

Last night was tough because (not-so-little) Z's Hand Foot & Mouth disease blisters were causing him a lot of pain. He woke up at 2am and screamed on and off for a while. After giving him a remedy that obviously made things better, he asked to eat a biscuit and then chatted with me about all the random thoughts he had in his head. This special type of bonding can only happen at 4am I guess!

In the evening we worked on a puzzle together. I'm starting to think my 2 year old has a better handle than I do on the whole puzzle thing.

Diary of a Confused Mom: December 19th 2015

Vacations really mean more work, tight sleeping arrangements and consistent whining you that's impossible to get away from.

Diary of a Confused Mom: December 15th 2015

Yesterday (not so little) Z surprised us by answering his dad's request with "I sure can!"

Today he followed up his newly found Southern themed speech by telling me to respond to him with "Yes Maa'm" instead of just yes.

Meanwhile, I'm in some sort of de-cluttering Euphoria and Einstein's quote comes to mind:

"Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."

Would have been a good way for me to manage a lot of things previously. then maybe I wouldn't have so much clutter :)

Diary of a Confused Mom: December 13th 2015

I thought it was super sweet when O I asked O if he'd like to get chocolates or flowers for his principal's birthday and he said "Oh yes! I want to get her the prettiest flowers!"


He could tell I was surprised but a response that is uncharacteristic for him and went on "What? She's really nice."

I was so touched at seeing this sweet emotional response from him. Even more so, when he went with his dad to buy the flowers and came back with a beautiful bouquet of purple roses for me too!

Diary of a Confused Mom: December 12th 2015

Last day of an entire football season plus extra and winter tournament today. O got away with a broken thumb. Not the worst scenario, all things considered...

Diary of a Confused Mom: December 11th 2015

In line with his brothers, Little Z has become quite the chatterbox. He uses lots of self talk and narration as he plays with his dinosaurs and little football player figurines. He also makes me cover him and his large T Rex with a blanket on the couch and tells me he needs arnica cream when he bumps himself.

Today he had two of the football players and brought them very close together and told me "Daddy's hugging me." :)

Diary of a Confused Mom: December 10th 2015

Little Z was up really early this morning and when he announced he need to "poop" his dad managed to catch him on time and put him on the toilet seat. I heard some complaints but his dad reassured him and with encouragement he had his very first "potty achievement."

We were all very excited and the whole family congratulated him.

Later, when I was talking to my sister, I asked him to tell her all about his potty experience. His version of this story went like this:

"Daddy is put me on the toilet and ... I don't like it."

Diary of a Confused Mom: December 9th 2015

Amuses me that the boys can get so excited about playing music for their baby brother's class. Moments that make me smile...

Diary of a Confused Mom: December 8th 2015

Nothing refreshes the soul like a long relaxed walk on a beautiful day, a refreshing chat with a wonderful friend and crunching fall colored leaves under my feet. I love the simpler days of my life.

Diary of a Confused Mom: December 7th 2015

I am reluctant to give my children electronic devices to take to school. I hate the concept of them getting that much screen time and being drones on the bus not interacting with others.

I must say though, that on the few days I do allow it, there is something really fun about being able to text message your son while he's at school ;)

Diary of a Confused Mom: December 3rd 2015

Little Z is now not so little. He sat for about 45 minutes watching his brother's assembly today and was reasonably behaved.

He's also started self talk, narrating as he plays with his toys. There are some stories going on and one thing's for sure, he caught his eldest brother's dinosaur fever!

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 30th 2015

I managed to spend almost the entire thanksgiving vacation week sick.

Now that it's Monday, O started the day with a horrendous cough which got suspiciously less frequent and intense once I told him he could stay home if he was sick.

I'm still not completely recovered but I think I've found some energy and motivation in the battle with clutter, which I started full blast yesterday and am determined to win this time.

Thought of the day:

I should never let people drag me down to a lower level of interaction than the standards I have worked hard all my life to achieve.

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 26th 2015

It's been a very busy week and now here we are on Turkey day. We're trying a fried turkey this time, a first for all of us. Let's hope it works out because the household currently has 15 expectant bellies!

I can't do my exercise because my neck has been acting up and, surprisingly, I'm pretty bummed about it.


Thought of the day:

Ignorance is a close relative of intolerance.

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 16th 2015

Today I was asking the boys if my workout was paying off by making me look more fit. 

They said yes immediately (mainly because they know that's the response I'm seeking) and then I pushed further mentioning how I feel even my face is benefiting as well.

At which point T piped up excitedly "Ya! It doesn't have as many cracks in it anymore!"

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 15th 2015

It was a bit of an odd yet rewarding feeling working out with the boys this morning. Then in the evening we made clay necklaces as gifts for their teachers. 

Feeling exhausted but fulfilled.

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 14th 2015

Today was O's short low key performance on the trumpet as an introduction to an elementary school play.

He came into my room in his formal uniform and asked if he could borrow a comb. I said yes and turned away so he wouldn't see my mouth drop.

This is the first time O has ever combed his hair. A glimpse into life with a teenage boy? Suppressing a chuckle now but thinking it might turn into tears in the future.

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 13th 2015

Bus problems, snotty faces and school frustrations...Oh my!

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 10th 2015

Today I shopped at Gymboree..in the girls' section. I felt a bit lost but mostly delighted at all the cute pink outfits I could now legitimately justify buying.

Coupled with yesterday's experience of visiting the new local coffee shop, it seems many of my [rather small and unambitious] dreams are coming true.

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 9th 2015

Yesterday I had what I call a flash forward. A small glimpse into my possible future. In this glimpse, my boys had grown and become responsible and wonderful young men (just the way I raised them).

When O got home, he was very concerned about the preschoolers in his school. They are housed in the same building as the Middle Schoolers and he wondered out loud why they would put those sweet little 2-5 year olds in the same building as "those big gorillas that need to shave twice a day." 

Later he told me that those children had the easy life, singing and playing all day. But he was remarking that when they all put their arms through a ring in the rope that links them together, they looked a bit like prisoners.

He cracked me up. He also played right into my flash forward :) My sweet responsible young men ... budding already.

Then on our evening walk, T rode his bike (recklessly) straight into the lake. He completely submerged and both he and his bicycle literally disappeared for seconds.

I guess we're not quite there yet. This isn't our first lake incident, and it's doubtful it will be our last.

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 8th 2015

Little Z is quite a bit into puzzles. They are his favorite pastime. 

He has however developed a rather bossy nature. I'm told to sit next to him on the floor and given strict instructions on how to 'assist' him with his puzzle compilations.

These days, I'm also told when I am not allowed to go to the bathroom. It's usually when he has puzzle making plans in mind :S

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 7th 2015

This morning, I was filming little Z saying "more stwabeweefee" to capture his cute toddler pronunciations before they mature into regular (less interesting) talk.

Upon reviewing the footage, I realized that, in the background, O was lifting up Z's long locks, informing me that he's "checking to see if Z's an alien." 

Apparently, unless I'm carefully revisiting footage, alien checks are just part of the hum dum of daily life for me.

Looking at Z's locks though, I realize his hair is longer than most girls his age, but I just don't know when I'll be able to bring myself to cut those cascading curls. He always looks like he just stepped out of a salon!

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 6th 2015

Over the past couple of weeks I've been on the verge of resigning and just chalking up my entire motherhood experience to a complete and epic fail.

Then today, O had one of his extremely rare episodes of model child behavior and T was back to his charming mood.

We visited friends and they were obedient, played nicely, cleaned up before we left and said thank you graciously at the door.

I can't tell if this is divine intervention to encourage my efforts and let me know that someday all this hard work will pay off, or some cruel plot to keep me enslaved in the trenches of mommy-hood.

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 4th 2015

I'm almost certain that the sole purpose of my giving birth to O, was to assign me a guaranteed spot in heaven.

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 3rd 2015

After suffering through insanity for three days, I'm pretty sure that if I complete the 60 days and don't get my fabulous ripped body, Shaun T will be in serious trouble with me.

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 2nd 2015

Little Z is a sweet mild child. He's fun and helpful and loves to clean up. His mood is happy and playful and he gives hugs and kisses and cuddles almost all day.

Sometimes though, I feel like he totally transforms. It's as if he's possessed. When he's not happy, he's the loudest child I've ever heard. He will scream and kick and yell at me to go away. Nothing will console him. No talking, holding or enticements. I just have to make sure he's safe and give him space and then pray.

Makes sense I guess that my mildest child would throw the most fierce of tantrums. He can go from angel to monster in seconds flat.

Diary of a Confused Mom: November 1st 2015

O's Halloween night went a little differently.

I picked him up this morning. He hadn't slept a wink and had spent the whole night on his iPad. He was the crankiest grouch I've ever seen.

On a good note, this year we had the most efficient candy disposal system in place yet.

Diary of a Confused Mom: October 31st 2015

T had to trick or treat by himself for the first time because his big brother was at a trick or treat/sleepover. He was a bit sad at first but then raced ahead of us happily saying he liked meeting the neighbors. 

Luckily, the costume he had really wanted arrived two hours before trick or treat time. Talk about a close call.

He also had a blast handing out candy to other neighborhood children once we got home.

We survived the candy crazed night!

Diary of a Confused Mom: October 30th 2015

I'm unable to decide which is least painful on a Saturday morning; four hours at my son's football game starting at 6:30am or just under two hours at my other son's soccer game starting at 7:30am but with Little Z in tow?
 A strange but serious dilemma. 

Diary of a Confused Mom: October 29th 2015

I plan to write to the creators of Mr. Men because they need to add a character that provides representation for Little Z. It would be Mr. Unreasonable.

Diary of a Confused Mom: October 28th 2015

Little Z announced that he needs to do his "homework."

So T gave him a paper and once he was done offered to check it for him. Apparently his scribbles exceeded expectations and earned him an A+ :)

Diary of a Confused Mom: October 27th 2015

I just realized on my walk today, that the children's story book "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein, which I have always found to be extremely sad and gloomy, is talking about mothers.

Made it even more miserable for me.

Diary of a Confused Mom: October 23rd 2015

Yesterday O told me he sees me as "young, slim and beautiful." If I was an animal I'd be a "Mama Bear." I was wondering how this fits into the slim category when he elaborated "They are loving, viciously protect their cubs and in this case not fat."

The most beautiful thing about children is that they are sincere, so a compliment like this just means so much more...

Diary of a Confused Mom: October 22nd 2015

Yesterday at bedtime, Little Z informed me that he did not want to sleep. 

So I said sweetly "Mummy needs to sleep, so let's go to bed and rest, ok?"

"Ok," he answered, "Goodnight Mummy." And he walked off to his toys.

We did finally get to bed, and these days, I'm sleeping with the kids while their dad is away. This has introduced me to a world of nighttime eccentricities that I was unaware of. 

O whimpers in his sleep sometimes and T talks. They both end up entangled somehow, which causes some morning frustration and disputes.

Little Z will also whimpers occasionally. It's sort of in between talking out loud and whimpering. And every night, without fail, he must end up sleeping in a diagonal position, so even a queen sized bed becomes a real squeeze for the two of us.

Diary of a Confused Mom: October 21st 2015

Based on Little Z's request, I gave the little 'customer in training' shopping cart at Whole Foods another try today. 

It's amazing how a few short months will change a child. 

This time, no broken eggs and no frantic mother chasing after a speedy toddler on the loose with his glass-bottle-demolishing metal cart on wheels.

I had to herd him a bit, but we got our short list of groceries done, and he only crashed into my foot once.

I couldn't say who was feeling more proud at the end of it.

On another note, I sometimes wonder how some of T's socks get into some of the places where I find them? I mean a sock on the floor I can understand, and even one on the living room couch is the price for having a scruffy child, but I'm not exactly sure how they end up on the shelves?

Diary of a Confused Mom: October 17th 2015

Yesterday I gave T a bath with magnesium flakes. I told him it was to relax his muscles and he hopped right in and soaked it all up. 

I could tell O wanted the same pampering so today I offered him the same. He got in the bath but wanted me to inform him beforehand of how these magnesium flakes work and whether or not they would sting because he had a few cuts on his fingers.

It's amazing how I can have one who overthinks and over-analyzes everything beforehand and another that just dives in to see what will happen.

Diary of a Confused Mom: October 14th 2015

In a conversation with T today we started talking about animals and I asked him if he were to be an animal which one would he be? He chose a lizard and I thought that it suited him quite well, since he was skinny, fast and a really good climber. 

So I asked which animal I remind him of and he paused, the kind of pause that usually means he's thinking twice so as not to offend someone.

"Well, he started slowly...it's not a snail...not really a slug.."

"What?!" I interrupted and I'm sure he could see exclamation marks flying above my head.

In the end I got dog, and, at this point, I'll take it!

Diary of a Confused Mom: October 13th 2015

Loved this quote I came across today by Rumi:

"What you seek is seeking you."

Diary of a Confused Mom: October 5th 2015

I thought Little Z had somehow escaped his dad's excessively dominant gene, which dictates that our children are relentlessly argumentative.  He has been quite pleasant and, for the most part, accommodating so far.

But I'm noticing that more and more, he's demanding which shoes to wear and refuses to wear any T-shirt aside from his beloved gorilla one.

This week has been especially trying, since he's been under the weather.

He's argued with me about which fork color he will or will not eat with, has adamantly argued his way into 'eating' coconut water from a bowl with a spoon, and has told me that the garbage he's throwing goes on the wall (I swear he smirked when he announced that one).

In one of his more serious fits, when I called him by his nickname, he declared furiously "I'm NOT Bubbles!" 

All I could think was "Oh, thank goodness, they've switched my child, can I have the old one back?"

After being messed around with all week with his demands and fits, his last remark left me with no doubts that this child is a strong willed copy of his brothers. I asked if he wanted something and his reply was...

 "Yes and No."

Food Fuel: Teach your kids what healthy foods are good for in their everday life.

It seems like an on going battle for parents to get their children to eat healthy food even though foundation of good eating habits is crucial to a person's health and well being and will make it easier for them to lead a healthy lifestyle in the long run. 

To quote Dr. Gary Hardy in his interesting video about homeopathy and nutrition:

"Nutrition creates the conditions for health to exist."


Some children are such picky eaters that parents eventually resign to feeding them whatever they will accept, resulting in a nutrient deficient (and sometimes even harmful) diet, for these growing bodies.

Today's sophisticated children want the research and reasoning behind everything, so sometimes all is takes is to show them the value of each food and how it benefits their bodies to convince them to try it.

Here are some simple and tasty examples:

1. Coconut Water:

Benefit: This is a natural sports drink. It hydrates, gives energy and has a lot more potassium (and less sugar) than energy drinks. This means you can play better with more energy and less muscle cramps.

It is also healing and helps with post-game recovery. Professional tennis player John Isner swears by it.

How to Drink: Best taken straight from the coconut, cracked on the spot, but if that's not possible - look for a fresh one that tastes good and has NO additives. I've found that the Harmless Harvest brand at Whole Foods which has bottled coconut water with a great taste that is very close to the fresh one, and the only ingredient is organic coconut water. That's what I use when I need a bottle to grab for my son's football games.

2. Eggs:

Benefit: Eggs help build muscle tissues because they are packed with high quality proteins. Telling my boys that a food builds muscles is usually enough to convince them to eat it!


How to Eat:My favorite things about eggs is how easy they are to make! Boiled or sunny side up is minimal cooking effort. If I have extra time, I'll add mushrooms, some greens and cheese to make an even more nutritious meal for the kids.

3. Strawberries:
(Contributed by my 10 year old)

Benefit: They are full of Vitamin C which wards off sickness and promotes wound healing. Fun fact: The nutrient packed seeds are on the outside and we eat them without realizing. An average strawberry has about 200 seeds!


How to Eat:Many children actually like this fruit. Simply wash and eat. You can cut off the green part and you can slice it onto salad but it really works great just as it is. Some people will dip it in chocolate or sugar but if Vitamin C boosts your ability to fight disease, sugar greatly hinders it!


4. Avocados:

Benefit: They were listed in the Guiness World Book of Records as the most nutritious fruit known to man! Lots of healthy fats for growing, fiber for digestion and minerals for healthy bones and energy. (The Guiness comment is probably enough to get my boys to eat this amazing fruit!)


How to Eat:Slice and enjoy with a pinch of salt or lemon, or mash and add squeezed lemon, salt and cilantro for a quick easy dip (guacamole). Can be cut into cubes and added to any salad.


5. Salmon:

Benefit: Salmon is known as brain food because of the Omega 3 fatty acids. However, it's also helpful to combat depression, promote restful sleep and is a source of Vitamin D which guards against allergies.

How to Eat:Buy wild caught not farmed which is higher in Vitamin D and healthier overall. Salmon can be cooked in the oven with various marinades but my boys prefer it in a salmon pasta I make them. I usually use smoked salmon pieces but regular salmon would work too. Stir fried with onions and with whipped cream and parmesan cheese added.

Diary of a Confused Mom: October 1st 2015

I fell down yesterday - again. And hurt the same knee - again. This time I'm hobbling around because other than the renewed and rather large bleeding wound, my knee is swollen and painful.

T was with me and we were running back to the car after soccer practice. When, like humpty dumpty, I took my great fall, he quickly got into the car. His first comment to me as I suppressed my tears and agony was "maybe Daddy should take me to soccer practice from now on." 

Ummmm....

No King's horses or King's men coming for me anytime soon I guess.

Diary of a Cofnused Mom: September 30th 2015

Little Z is home from nursery today. He's coughing and not entirely sick but not entirely well. So I kept him home.

All of a sudden the management of my new found freedom comes into sharp focus. What was I thinking when I wondered how to live without a toddler tripping me up?


Thought of the day:

Today, relate most to salmon. They find a way to successfully swim against the current. (Which makes me remember and miss Alaska dearly - the small footprint of earthly heaven).

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 29th 2015

Thought of the day:

I am not who I used to be but who I chose to become.

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 27th 2015

O surprised me today. He overheard his father and I discussing parenting coaching and workshops and chimed in with "Mommy doesn't need any parenting coaching."

He said it like it was an indisputable truth. 

And this is despite the fact that, earlier in the day - due to their behavior and unbearable sinus headaches- I had told them that I was quitting motherhood.

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 24th 2015

Little Z tossed his toothbrush onto the ground after he finished brushing. I asked him to pick it up and put it on the bathroom counter where it belonged.

And, because I have a 10 year old and an 8 year old, I was surprised that -just like that, without discussion or complaint- he complied!

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 23rd 2015

Today Little Z was literally tugging ad pulling at me to take him to nursery.

I'm delighted he's happy there. I really am. I would have been incredibly miserable if it wasn't a place he felt safe and happy. We both need it and it's a good thing.

But then when my plans with friends this morning got cancelled, I suddenly felt lost. I started thinking about errands I needed to run and reminiscing about how much fun he and I had going to the stores and chattering and singing.

Seriously, what is wrong with me?

I'm suddenly too tired and gloomy to do anything. I'm missing my toddler in the few hours he's away and I think it has just hit me that I need to realize and embrace the fact that I'm going through a transition. 

Life with a little more me time. It sounds so desirable and yet I guess it just hit me that I need to adjust to it. To understand it and to re-learn how to navigate it. Life, as a grown up. Yikes!

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 22nd 2015

I let Little Z take his nap at nursery today. I showed up at noon and hovered around anticipating his trauma.

Apparently, he just took his blankets and dozed right off. Not a care in the world.

I thought "That's..umm..great." 

Or is it? Here I am a supposedly 'seasoned' mom that knows the drill, and yet I'm feeling a little confused. Is he just letting go without a fuss? 

I wonder which one of us has the separation issues?

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 18th 2015

Little Z is developing his own unique personality. 

He will ask to go to nursery now, and ask to wear his gorilla T-shirt. 

He takes his little stool and sets it up in front of the fridge (which he can now open - gasp!) and then he starts selecting what he wants.

He reads his little books as he turns the pages.

He tells short stories to narrate our lives in real time.

Now that he can get into any kitchen cabinet, despite the child lock, I have had to rearrange the location of some things - especially my cleaning sprays.

He clearly tells me when he doesn't want something or doesn't want to do something. 

He also dictates who gets to strap him in the car seat and who pushes his stroller (if he agrees to get in it).

At the supermarket, it's now a hassle to get him to sit in a shopping cart. He wants to 'walk.' This can mean a quick grocery trip takes forever! The best I have managed is to negotiate sitting in the basket part of the cart. But he will often stand. Today I actually bought him a book so he could 'read' while I picked up some items. 

Tonight he kept us up chattering and singing and complaining. I had to repeat the song "Polar bear polar bear what do you hear" based on the Eric Carle book I had bought him earlier (otherwise he throws a fit and at 9:30pm, I give in to any fit - just let me sleep!)

He finally rested on our bedside table saying "I so tired," and fell asleep on its cool glass surface.

Diary of a Confused Mom: Sepetmber 17th 2015

Today was one of those days, where, as I lay slumped in a lawn chair looking into space instead of watching my older son practice, allowing Little Z to freely mess around on my smart phone, I needed a sign that said "Don't Judge Me!"

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 16th 2015

Little Z's favorite thing to do every morning when we drop off his brothers is touch and try to identify the letters on their bus.

Today after he'd finished wiping most of the bus with his hands I asked to look at them. All of a sudden it was like the scene from "Snow White and the 7 Dwarfs"  where she asks to look at their little hands and gasped at the sight.

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 14th 2015

Since Little Z started part time at nursery, he has been chattering even more.

His new phrases are:

"I so hungry" said with lots of emphasis on the 'so.'

And the other day he imitated my morning calls to his brother after the snooze button has already been hit twice: "Third alarm Ca-ca!"

He also goes around asking us "Watcha doin?" Which we all find adorable.

Today was the highlight. He walked in to my bathroom and I immediately realized he needed a diaper change. When I mentioned this to him, he quoted Superwhy (the children's show he watches on PBS:

"Dis a super big pwoblem." :D

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 13th 2015

Today my 8 year old explained to me the true meaning of the lyrics from the song "All About that Bass."

Still registering...

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 12th 2015

O scored a touchdown today. A 75 yard touchdown. It was a huge thrill. :)

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 11th 2015

We have some funny bedtime routines in our household.

I have one who sneaks into bed and is off into dreamland. Simple. As it should be.

Then there's one who, despite being the oldest, still cries to be cuddled and put to sleep. 

And then there's the littlest one of all. He has an entire pre-sleep performance. He will sing with his dad, then yell at his dad for singing. When he's finished picking out songs, he will ask for various toys and have his dad get up to get them. Then he chatters away telling random stories. Sometimes I hear screams. It takes about 45 minutes on a typical day, then he sleeps quite happily like nothing just happened.

Then there's the morning routine, where, one by one they come into our bed. It makes me think of the children's song "Ten in the Bed" except it starts with "There were two in the bed and the first child says move over, move over..." and ends with "There are five in the bed and the mommy complains "I'm tired!"

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 10th 2015

It still baffles me how telemarketing calls aren't illegal. It must be a crime to invade people's privacy in this way and cause this much stress.

Even though they are automated machine 'callers,' I yell at them in frustration. 

I don't even want to get started on junk mail. From the mailbox to the recycling bin. What a waste of so many people's time and effort, especially mine!

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 9th 2015

After returning home from T's soccer practice and showering both boys, I set out to make a great (grain-less) dinner and prepare lunchboxes before O and his dad got home from football practice.

As I fried chicken covered in almond meal in one pan, and grilled chicken tenders in another, I also pulled out several ingredient to prepare rice-less sushi. It 's a juggling act in any case but with a hungry 8 year old lurking around and a toddler trying to squash some ingredients and devour others, it was becoming a nightmare.

In an attempt to get them off my back, I asked T to dress Little Z in his pajama. He was reluctant at first but then obliged. I had never realized what a lengthy and detailed process pajama wearing could be.

It was extremely amusing to watch. It took T at least 10 minutes to get his brother dressed. He kept reassuring him throughout - that his face wouldn't remain covered forever, his hands would eventually appear from inside the sleeves and eventually each foot would go through the correct opening.


I had enough time to get most of dinner and the lunchboxes ready without a hassle.

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 7th 2015

I did a quick calculation of how long it takes me to do the bare minimum in terms of housework and obligations like drops offs and pick ups, per week. I spend at least 22 hours a week - a little more than the hours for a part time job - doing the very least I can get away with of these mundane chores. 

Something is really wrong here!

In the meantime, Little Z has figured out how to get past the child lock and open our kitchen cabinets. I shudder at the new layer of destruction that inevitably awaits me.

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 6th 2015

T threw the game controller violently in one of his anger fits this morning. 
It smashed the TV screen.

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 5th 2015

Yesterday, hubby took the kids to Taekwondo but, in the middle of class, he needed to leave to take care of something. So he called me to pick them up. 

With half an hour left till their class ended, I decided to first buy the beloved lavender plant I had been eyeing. 

As soon as I arrived at the store, I got a panicked call: "Little Z is refusing to leave, so can you come take him now so I can leave?!"

I had a hard time containing my disbelief. If I canceled plans every time Little Z tested out his defiant "no!" I'd probably never go anywhere.

Today, he left Little Z in an aisle and went to the cash register without him. 

At Whole Foods! The same place he'd broken an entire carton of eggs in one quick move despite me behind exactly an arm's length away.

I'm guessing there isn't a hint of exaggeration in all those humorous videos of what happens when little ones are left with their dads!

Diary of a Confused Mom: September 2nd 2015

Ever since I started our no wheat low carb meals, I've heard nothing but whining and continuous complaints from O everyday after school. The lunchbox wasn't enough food. He watched friends wolf down pizzas and sandwiches while he sat there deprived. And the lunch I'd just spent the better part of my day preparing was all things he HATED. It's  total drain of energy and mood.

This afternoon I was really tired and my legs were aching, but I spent it on my feet diligently working to make substitute 'breaded chicken' with almond meal, while taking care of a cranky toddler who wouldn't nap. I was also in a foul mood over some petty issues I'd had with some petty parents (some people seriously need to grow up and get some manners).

So when O came in and just started to open his mouth with a hint of dissatisfaction, I threw a fit. A full-blown - screaming, slamming doors and refusing to eat with the family - kind of fit.

I was so stressed and exhausted and it was one of those moments where I'd reached the end of my rope. But it stopped him in his tracks. And, at least until now, he's not suggesting I ruined his life by cutting the wheat out of our meals.The two older boys are trying to tip tow around me and show more love and appreciation.

I may have to throw fits more often.

Diary of a Confused Mom: August 30th 2015

Little Z is into scribbling these days. 

He sit happily and makes lot marks on his paper. A couple of times he ventured his artistic talents on the wall next to him and I cleaned it up and reminding him sweetly, "only on paper." He would nod and chirp "ok," so nicely that I really thought he'd oblige.

Today, he was upstairs and awfully quiet, so I went to check on him. I had one of those moments that closely resemble the mom who came home to find her two young kids had covered her living room in white fluffy flour. Her voice saying "oh my gosh" in a pained whisper kept playing in my ear as I scanned our top floor. 

He'd made it his canvas with an orange marker and an assortment of colored pencils. His scribble marks were everywhere. The desk. The stair rails. The plastic toy boxes. His new clothes. His delicate skin. And every. Single. Wall.

We started steaming and wiping away. I've recently discovered that our steamer is probably my most treasure possession in this phase of life. We were so focused that I realized Little Z was once again out of sight and very quiet. So I ran back downstairs to find him covered in ointment. One shower later we have no orange marker lines and a very greasy little fellow.

Thought of the day:

Stress is man-made.

Diary of a Confused Mom: August 28th 2015

I think Little Z has developed the ability to raise his body temperature and running fake fever that entitles him to be picked up early from nursery. Today was the third time I pick him up due to a low grade fever, and then once home - nothing. The first time this happened, I thought both my thermometers weren't working. The doctor confirmed he was perfectly fine. Just a toddler and already devising ways to get out of school!

This afternoon he also graced me with a full fledged fit. The irrational, nothing-on-this-earth-will-soothe-me kind of fit. I was impressed that, this didn't phase me nearly as much as it used to. I packed a screaming toddler (I'm pretty sure the entire neighborhood could hear him) into the car seat - against his will - and strapped him in. Then I drove calmly and slowly trying to soothe with some words and songs but knowing that as the screams got louder I should speak less.

It took less than five minutes. I drove home, settled him into bed and then plopped down on the couch remembering a recent conversation I had with another mother of three, who's 4 year old was just about to start preschool. 

She was pretty upset because he was her last and this meant the end a phase. I completely related and even almost teared up. His first are definitely my lasts, as the blogger with three children had eloquently said in her post that had moved me to tears.

Then the mom said, "Now what do I do?" 

Surprisingly, that remark totally startled me. All I could think was, I have enough project ideas to fill my lifetime if I could ever be spared more than 10 minutes to myself to focus.


Thought of the day:

The more I experience, the more I realize how limited my experience is.

Diary of a Confused Mom: August 27th 2015

We've been trying to leave a wheat-free life for about a week now and O has thrown unimaginable fits about his diet change. It's funny when he describes how his friends and relishing their pizzas and chubby sandwiches while he munches on alfalfa sprouts. It's also kind of funny to watch how he rushes to the fridge and binges on a loaf of bread in the evening and his muscles relax after he's had his 'fix.'

But the fits aren't funny at all. And they go on and on and on. Every day. It's exhausting. Helps that my wheat-less life is making me calmer and more energetic though.


Thought of the day:

I think there is a negative correlation between true faith and talking to everyone about how strong and true your faith is. I know this because I did some research. By watching people and deciding this is probably true.

Diary of a Confused Mom: August 24th 2015

The coolest thing happened to me this morning. I packed up Little Z in his stroller for a walk/grocery run and just as I turned the corner I saw a falcon, right there on the fence, within arm's reach, staring right at me!

I was so excited, I started telling the falcon how exciting it was to see it. Naturally the poor thing fled the babbling woman and perched in a tree.

These fascinating creatures have been hanging around on the power lines outside. We keep hoping it doesn't get to backyard bunny (the hare we discovered in our backyard) or the new tiny newborn hare we found the other day under my car. Although, if they ever witnessed it, I know my boys would relish the experience of live predator/prey action.

What an honor to come face to face with our falcon.

Diary of a Confused Mom: August 20th 2015

O was frustrated last night as he shared with me that he has been pondering (rather impatiently) his "reason for being on this earth," and his greater purpose in life.

I was gently informing him that many people take a long time to figure that out, and I gave myself as an example. At this point he squirmed violently and yelled out "You know your reason for being here! You were put on this earth to be a great mom!"

Secretly delighted, I couldn't help but wonder where this young man was that morning when, once again, my 'rules' had made me the target of his hatred and misery.

Diary of a Confused Mom August 19th 2015

I love the first few moments right after the rain stops. For a short while everything is so crisp, fresh still and absolutely beautiful. I can feel my whole being relax in those moments.

Diary of a Confused Mom August 18th 2015

One off to Middle School, one off to Elementary School and one off to Preschool. Not to complain but it's incredibly silent here. 

Diary of a Confused Mom August 17th 2015

This morning when we brought little Z to our bed, he was super cuddly. I felt so blessed and thankful as I breathed in his sweet shampooed hair and he lay flopped on top of me to 'hug.'

It's been a hectic month of new beginnings (that are also endings). He turned two, started part time nursery, was weaned and has begun to show promise of permanently sleeping through the night.

In addition, O just went to his Middle School orientation! They robbed us of a year by moving fifth grade to Middle School this year. 

So today, I feel we are definitely moving to a different phase of life. And it's emotional.

Diary of a Confused Mom August 16th 2015

Today I received a compliment of the highest order. A friend told us that when he's fed up trying to get his boys off electronic gadgets, he threatens to apply my rules and limitations on electronic use.

Apparently, when faced with this potential fate, they comply immediately.

 I'm going to interpret all this as a big compliment...

Diary of a Confused Mom August 12th 2015

I taught the boys how to use our coffee machine to make a latte and an espresso yesterday. I told them it would come in handy for occasions like my birthday or mother's day. These are at least 8 months away but it pays to start early.

We also enjoyed some bonding time last night before bed, chatting and joking which we haven't in some time.

This morning, I awoke to a latte in bed. They used the milk that doesn't froth so it was quite a 'flat' latte but it was the most perfect cup of coffee I have ever had :)

Diary of a Confused Mom August 11th 2015

After much debate (mainly us raising a strong case against it), O started tackle football this season.

This has meant that he comes home to his wide eyed younger brother with tales from practice that amaze and intrigue him but also spark the deepest chords of envy.

I wonder if it's the macho looking gear or permission to shove each other to the ground or what it is about American football that captivates men in this way.

Diary of a Confused Mom August 10th 2015

I think we're stuck in some sort of complain - whine - argue cycle and just can't get out.

On another note, as my weaning efforts have pretty much come to a successful closure, I am slowly feeling like my old and real self is returning...

Diary of a Confused Mom August 7th 2015

Second day at nursery and he cried even harder. :S

Diary of a Confused Mom August 4th 2015

Today was the first day of nursery for Little Z. It was emotional for both of us but I think we did a reasonable job. There are some advantages to having a bit of previous experience I guess.

Diary of a Confused Mom August 3rd 2015

Snuck out of my room at 5:30 am to get a few peaceful minutes with my cup of tea while Z still slept. I was discouraged by the sounds from upstairs. Obviously the boys were up! I still went ahead and made the tea and retreated to our dining table to resume the 1,000 piece puzzle I've been hooked on the past couple of days. It took about 5 seconds before I was swarmed by them and in an additional 5 minutes, Little Z was awake and joining in.

My tea ended up cold and abandoned and I was somehow whisked into a morning of  breakfast making, kid refereeing, lunchbox preparing chaos. 

And now, the older two are at camp, Little Z is napping and I am so blissfully sipping my tea and enjoying some down time. It took 5 hours but it's still worth it.

Diary of a Confused Mom: July 31st 2015

Met Little Z's nursery teacher today. He was very interested in exploring the classroom. I really feel he's ready but I know that come Tuesday, there may be tears. Not yet 100% sure who will be doing the crying.

Diary of a Confused Mom: July 27th 2015

Spotted in Zurich, Switzerland and made me smile.

Diary of a Confused Mom: July 25th 2015

We found the perfect beach for sand-phobic hubby -  in Nice, France. Where many people go out further to Cannes to get to the sandy beaches, the beaches in Nice are covered in pebbles. This must be the first time I see him enjoying the sea so much. No sticky sand to clean up afterwards, and yet the beauty and serenity of the salty Mediterranean and the boys collected the most amazing rocks. A small unexpected paradise for our family.

Diary of a Confused Mom: July 21st 2015

If I ever wrote a book about my life as a parent, I would probably call it "Life out loud."

That would pretty much sum up how my life has been starting with the tantrums and screeches in restaurants when my first was a toddler, the way we'd literally burst into restaurants in a small Romanian town turning all heads as my boys boisterously exclaimed about their every observation in loud English, right down to this moment where they are detailing our entire vacation so far and their plans and expectations for our next stop, across air plane seats. 

We are definitely living our life 'out loud.'

Diary of a Confused Mom: July 15th 2015

How can such a small person can take up so much space on the bed?

Diary of a Confused Mom: July 13th 2015

After a trip away from the older boys for five days, I came home to:

1. A huge, never-ending hug from O.

2. Gum chewing and attitude from T. A facade he kept up for a few minutes before I got my living hug.

3. Amazing brotherly love when they saw Little Z.

And finally... a shattered glass for me to clean up.

Diary of a Confused Mom: July 12th 2015

It seems that Taxi driver behave the most consistently across different cultures.

Diary of a Confused Mom: July 6th 2015

There is nothing like a peaceful morning when I can have a few quiet minutes to myself. For a change, no one but me was up at 5am today :)

Diary of a Confused Mom: July 5th 2015

I'm beginning to become convinced that the son that spends the day growling at me, throwing fits and calling me mean in the most spiteful tones isn't the same one that comes into my arms for sweet cuddles and philosophical enlightenment at night.

Tonight he was actually telling me how the children with no rules had moms that didn't suffer but that those children wouldn't turn out well. And how moms like me suffer but basically for a greater good - raising children that would turn out to be good people. ?!?!? 

Then he concluded that if his ambition to become a football player didn't work out he had a back up option as philosopher. 

And just where is this wise young man every morning?

Diary of a Confused Mom: July 2nd 2015

I had the boys and their cousin over after camp today and they 'invented' grilled cheese. Slices of cheese melted on our sandwich maker grill and the left to cool and attach and voila - grilled (or what they call burnt) cheese slices without any bread!

Watching them create and devour this invention, which they called cheese chips, I realized that if I promised to feed them grilled cheese chips every day they would probably willingly let adopt them to my sole custody.

That or I could just feed them in general. Whoever said the way to a man's heart is through his stomach really had to have had a lot of experience with boys. Food is the king.

Diary of a Confused Mom: June 29th 2015

I finally got a haircut. This covers one of my two ambitious goals this vacation. It took me just short of a month so I still have hopes of getting the massage I've been dreaming of.

Also, mangoes in Egypt are divine!

Diary of a Confused Mom: June 28th 2015

Little Z is now forming words better and so thankfully our friend "Armpits" is now being called by something that more closely resembles his name. Caca however remains as is.

Diary of a Confused Mom: June 27th 2015

The boys returned from a weekend away by the sea with their grandparents and aunts. They brought me handpicked sea shells and rocks. :)

Diary of a Confused Mom: June 23rd 2015

Today I lay to rest some stray socks from ten years back. Then I did more yoga with baby attached.

Diary of a Confused Mom: June 22nd 2015

I dropped the boys off to summer camp today and caught a glimpse of my future as the mom of a teenager.  I told the boys since it was their second day and they knew their bearings that I could leave right at drop off. After taking them to the drop off area, I started chatting with some of the other boys in their camp. A few minutes into this, O looked at me with a strange smirk and said "Um..remember how you said you can leave?"

I tried not to take it personally and waived goodbye as I walked off, wondering what the future holds for me in the dreaded teenage years.

Diary of a Confused Mom: June 19th 2015

Oh this sweet (and rare) satisfaction of hearing the boys frantically vacuuming and organizing outside just cannot be matched

Diary of a Confused Mom: June 18th 2015

Yoga just isn't quite the same when there are two boys joining you and arguing loudly about who's doing the poses correctly and a toddler on your back challenging your balance!

Diary of a Confused Mom: June 17th 2015

In true Little Z fashion, he is now referring to one of our dearest relative as "armpits." I'm actually beginning to wonder if its truly a product of his developing speech or some private joke he's amusing his overly developed sense of humor with. I'd say he's messing with us all.

Diary of a Confused Mom: June 13th 2015

There is something delightful  and refreshing about chatting freely with an old friend and then strolling into stores together - past midnight - to shop! There is beauty and freedom in cultures that may be labeled third world but are very alive in a sense that the 'developed' world may never understand.

Diary of a Confused Mom: May 26th 2015

T came down this morning and plopped onto the couch grumbling about having to go to school. When we informed him school had been cancelled due to flooding, he bounced up, woke his older brother and they both haven't stopped buzzing all over the place since.

This was not the reward I was expecting after a four day weekend.

In the meantime, Little Z has made it his life's mission to prove that every spill-proof cup in existence is flawed.

Diary of a Confused Mom: May 25th 2015

Little Z has started calling us all by name. He says Mommy, Daddy and gets close enough pronunciations of O's name and his own nickname. But for the moment, he is calling T "Ca-ca." 

Little Z also broke a class sparkling water bottle in our bathroom this afternoon. Another one for our shattered glass collection.

Diary of a Confused Mom: May 24th 2015

This morning Little Z took a toy dinosaur over to his dinosaur book and started introducing it to all the dinosaurs in the story book. Again more babble with the word 'dinosaur' inserted in between.

The older boys did a great job checking off their list of cleaning and organizing chores from my summer 'whip' list :)

Diary of a Confused Mom: May 23rd 2015

Right before bed I told the boys I would "whip them into shape" this summer. 

T was so relieved when I explained that 'whip' was a figure of speech, that he agreed wholeheartedly to my plan for them to take more responsibility in our home. This included making their bed daily, organizing their room, helping with the dishes and a variety of other household chores that I would list for them each day.

I'm excited.

Diary of a Confused Mom: May 22nd 2015

I caught Little Z in the closet reading "The Belly Button Book" by Sandra Boynton - a funny children's book full of hippopotamuses showing off their belly buttons. 

He kept saying 'beebo' (the baby hippo's way of saying belly button) along with a lot of babble, as he turned the pages.

The 'Essentials': Oils That Made My Travel Pouch Cut!

As I rely more on natural therapies for my family's well being, essential oils have become an integral part of our lives.

There are so many oils with so many benefits that my collection has grown rapidly over the past 18 months.

However, on a recent family trip I was forced to select just a few to take along, which gave me a chance to look at what oils our family uses most frequently in a sort of first aid fashion.




Here are the ones that made the cut and were added to my travel pouch:


1. Lavender - we use it for insect bites, cuts and scrapes and it is also a relaxing scent. This is definitely one I want to have on hand as we explore nature in unfamiliar places,  and rolling it on the boys' feet at night helps soothe them to sleep when they're wound up.





2. Eucalyptus - another very important oil for our family because it's been a blessing when sinus issues arise. Our most recent trip was at the start of spring (allergy alert) and we all needed to use it because we were becoming congested and uncomfortable. We put some (diluted) on our sinuses, smelled it and even put a couple of drops on a tissue in the car to purify the air. It worked wonders for us!





3. Oregano - with three kids in tow on unfamiliar territory, someone getting sick is highly likely, and very unpleasant, without easy access to care. Oregano oil fights infection. It has helped me stop ear infections from developing in our little one and combat strep throat in the older ones. This is something that tags along wherever we go because I've found that rolling this behind the ear, along the throat or on the soles of the feet has stopped some painful illnesses in their tracks and helped us avoid using antibiotics excessively.

4. Frankincense - this is an extremely versatile oil. It's known for helping with focus but people use it for anything from healing burns to fighting cancer. I just feel a lot better when this oil is around because when in doubt, you can't go wrong with frankincense.







5. Digest Zen - this is a Doterra blend for stomach problems. Although I am in no way affiliated with Doterra and don't use any oil brand exclusively (I use any good oil that works and is high quality), I tried this one and it worked so in the pouch it goes. When we eat heavy foods or our stomachs become uneasy, as many travelers experience from time to time, this really helps to soothe. Every member of my family has found relief from this oil at some point.

** Note: I took all these oils along in roller bottles and I diluted with almond oil because it has no scent and is affordable so I frequently use it as my carrier oil. I use coconut oil to make items that I use as a rub. (And I use coconut oil for a million other things - which you can read more about in an upcoming post). Even though some oils can be used NEAT (directly on the skin) I dilute everything just in case.

** I'm not a doctor, I'm just a mom that has found another useful and natural remedy to use in keeping our family healthy. So these uses/tips are not meant as a replacement for common sense or medical care for serious conditions.  I personally always dilute the oils, and I never ingest (or have any family member ingest) any of the oils. I feel that they are powerful and that ingestion should be supervised by a certified professional that can gauge their safety and prescribe properly. We diffuse them for a lovely scent and we use topically to help with certain ailments. We are just starting a journey into the world of alternative medicine which encompasses so many things including, nutrition, homeopathy and many more. Essential oils have been a fun, and fragrant addition!