Book Reviews

"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" by Stephen Covey

 

I do not hesitate to say that this book is - literally- life changing.

This is no easy bedtime read. It's not a light book you breeze through. Well, at least I didn't. My brain hurt when I read this book as I grappled with and internalized the deep concepts it presented.

As the title suggests, the book discusses 7 habits that are characteristic of what Covey calls "highly effective people."

The first 3 habits Covey elaborates on, discuss work on an individual level, while the next 3 habits are about relationships and interaction with others and habit 7 (one of my favorites) is sharpening the saw by highlighting the need for a person to care for themselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually without neglecting any of these aspects, in order to function in an optimal fashion.

I see this book as a blueprint for life, utilizing what Covey refers to as "timeless principles." And that's exactly what they are.

For example, Habit 1: Be proactive, is something that will forever be a solid foundation of a truly responsible and competent person. There will never be a time when it is conceptually wrong to take responsibility for your actions. And Habit 4:Win-Win addresses the misconstrued notion that we should succeed at the expense of others and the further we push people down, the higher we get. In fact the opposite is actually true. No one can argue that a win-win is a bad result. Everyone wins!

In summary, this is an excellent, insightful and extremely deep book. I found every word of it useful and it has been a wonderful blueprint for evolving in character. To me, this book is an essential read. If everyone could read and comprehend this text, the world would undergo an amazing transformation.

When I heard Stephen Covey passed away in the summer of 2012, I cried. I think it would have been an amazing experience to hear this man speak in person. He is quoted saying "Live, love, laugh, leave a legacy." And he did leave a legacy, that we are fortunate to have.

"Raising Global Nomads" by Robin Pascoe

 
This book is written by Canadian author Robin Pascoe, whose children grew up as Third Culture Kids (TCKs) as the family moved with the father's work to several locations around the world. Pascoe has given numerous presentations to expat families in many international schools around the world.

The book gives a good overview of the challenges expatriates may face. It outlines various things to consider and research before a move, and some ideas and tips on dealing with some of the issues that may arise as a result of this nomadic lifestyle, including important child rearing issues unique to this lifestyle or exaggerated by it. 

Pascoe does not go into any particular topic very deeply but rather touches on challenges faced by the modern nomadic family. Think more magazine article style - making a list of points important to the topic and discussing them briefly while giving some useful pointers. It's like a series of these articles covering many relevant matters of an expat life.

The target audience is clearly families that generally move to a new country every few years. The book is also mainly written from the perspective of a North American moving to other parts of the world. Many aspects of Pascoe's experience as a Canadian living abroad are relevant to all global nomads but readers originally from other parts of the world may not relate to many of her examples or repatriation experiences. 

Repatriation, also takes on a whole new meaning if parents are TCKs and were already global nomads as children themselves. This makes the experience go beyond simply returning home and adjusting the children there because home is already a vague destination.

What resonated most with me personally, was the contribution from Barbara Schaetti entitled "A Most Excellent Journey." This is the final section of the book and covers an important topic - identity search for Third Culture Kids. In this section, Schaetti showed the stages of identity development for global nomads and gave a discussion on how parents can offer some support and guidance on this matter. 

Suggestions like familiarizing our children with the terms "Third Culture Kids" and "Global Nomads" so they have a starting point for research when they embark on identity exploration are very helpful. Also, the point that struggling with identity is a stage all adolescents go through but that it might be delayed and compounded for TCKs is an important one to consider. Ideally parents want to help their children (and if they are TCKs like me, themselves) to figure out who they are and realize they are in a unique situation compared to what she terms "homegrown" peers.

Resolution can be beneficial if they become what she calls 'constructively marginal global nomads' and she says: "While they may not feel at home anywhere, constructively marginal global nomads feel somewhat at home everywhere..." This rings true for someone like me, struggling myself to find 'home' and therefore not having a clue where to start to help my children.


I found some of Pascoe's tips very useful and below are my favorite ones from this book:

1. The creation of family traditions as an important grounding point for global nomads- I've discussed this more in depth here.

2. The idea of creating a 'clean team.' When Pascoe returned to Canada and house help was not available for her family like it was in Asia and other overseas postings, she planned that once a week, as a family, they would clean the house together. 

This has been a great addition to our lives! It's a relief for me ,and a team building activity for the family (regardless of the complaints I received from the boys - husband included).

3. The importance of repatriation and intentionally preparing for it, even while still living internationally. I hadn't given this idea too much thought but it is very very sound advice.

4. Teaching children responsibility and accountability - expat or not this is important, but it does tend to be essential in a life where material things come more easily and the stresses of moving and readjusting may cause some parents to overlook these crucial elements of raising wonderful people.

"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish

This is absolutely one of my favorite parenting books of all time! I first read it 8 years ago and have read it roughly once a year, every year, since then.

In fact, I see it more as a blueprint for effective communication than a parenting book because the skills it outlines are useful when communicating with anyone. The ideas in the book are by no means radically new, but their simplicity and common sense are what makes this such a great - and fairly easy - read.

In each chapter, Faber and Mazlish discuss a communication concept - with discussions and examples from their workshops followed by cartoons illustrating the communication 'skill' learned vs the ineffective way. Each chapter then ends with a quick summary sheet (which proves extremely useful after you've read the book and just want to recap the ideas as you practice them).

The first chapter discussed the simple yet overlooked concept of acknowledging a child's feelings. When a child comes crying to you because they are hurt - either physically or emotionally - it makes the world of difference to just acknowledge their feelings, out loud. This not only helps young children better learn to identify and name their feelings (a crucial skill for emotional intelligence) but to feel safe and understood so they can share more with you and be more willing to contribute to finding a solution.

The chapters that follow are just as invaluable, covering concepts such as describing a situation instead of blaming or nagging, and guiding a child problem solve rather than rushing in with advice. There is even a chapter that discusses the most effective way to praise a child and one about alternatives to punishment.

At first it isn't easy to retrain ourselves to communicate this way (hence my having to reread the book and refresh my memory annually), but with a little diligence it gets easier and works wonders. I know because I've tried it and have seen the amazing results not just with my sons but also with my husband and even siblings and friends. Who doesn't appreciate feeling acknowledged, understood and like they have support yet the freedom to effectively take ownership of their problems?

Faber & Mazlish have many excellent books out, including "Siblings Without Rivalry," "How to Talk So Teens Will Listen & Listen So Teens Will Talk," etc. They are all worth reading as well, but if I were to pick one, at least to start off with, this is the one I would choose. It's a communication skills book that expands way beyond the parent child relationship and these are skills that can easily be translated into adult relationships even in the workplace.

This book is easy to read and follow through, with a clear layout and concepts explained simply and plainly. The hardest part is implementing the new skills and making them a habit. Having said that, ever since I first read this book, I have been extremely passionate about this effective way of communicating and have used it successfully in many areas of my life, whether with my children, students or in adult conversation.