Life Around the Globe: The importance of family traditions

We're From the Land of Us!

I'm a third culture kid (TCK). That just means I gave up telling people where I was really 'from' because it was too complex. My parents come from two different countries, my passport nationality is from a third country and I was born and raised somewhere else entirely to these three 'origins.'

I ended up telling people who asked my nationality "I'm a Dana." I was young and really couldn't place myself so I just created my very own universe. The land of me.

I thought this issue was unique to me until I read "You Know You're a Third Culture Kid When..." on the NuNomad blog (http://www.nunomad.com/blog/you-know-youre-a-third-culture-kid-when/) and number one on the list reads "You struggle to answer the question where are you from?"

Now that we've moved around a ton, I'm even more confused. And I feel even sorrier for my boys. My six year old has already lived on four different continents and neither he nor my nine year old have ever been to the same school for more than a year. In fact, I even had to homeschool them at one location where only local schools in the local language were available.

At one point, my boys told people they were American, Egyptian, Jordanian and Romanian. They were about to add Malaysian to this already too lengthy response to what should have been a simple question when I decided we needed to "have a talk." But I wasn't sure exactly what I should say to them.

Finally, sparked by advice from the counselor at the International School of Kuala Lumpur during a parenting workshop, I realized that the solution was...creating our own universe; the land of us! Well, almost.

The Importance of Family Traditions

This wonderful counselor stressed the family unit for expats and TCKs that are raised far away from their original culture and often in many different cultures worlds away from extended family. She suggested creating family traditions referencing the book "Raising Global Nomads" by Pascoe. My review of this book is coming soon.

At this point, I had already been emphasizing to my husband that, more than ever, our family needs to stick together and create and strictly adhere to our core values since we were moving around so much. So the idea of creating our 'family culture' with its traditions and values that we all respect was easy for me to accept and even love.

I would think the idea of a family culture such as this would be beneficial to all families, given this ever changing world of uncertainty! It is however, crucial for global nomads because the ground is more or less pulled out from under their feet every few years (or less) and there must be a stable, consistent entity that they can rely on for guidance in the sea of change that defines their life.

Creating a Family Culture

The family culture will have its own values and traditions. The values will be whatever principles the family believes in and many of these will be the basis for 'rules.' For example, our family has rules about TV and video games with regards to time and the types of shows/games that can be accessed. These rules stem from our values of a) healthy living and b)appropriate conduct. We don't care what other people's children are doing and we don't judge it. We do what works for us and reinforce (time and time and time again) to our kids that this is what our family does and each family has its own beliefs and practices.

As for family traditions which, just like a country's traditions, are a great way to celebrate the family culture and to reinforce the family unit, these are anything that the family does together, consistently over time. Here are some of the ones our family uses at the moment. It's a work in progress; some things get pushed aside for some time depending on circumstances, but for the most part we try to stick to them and to grow/develop them.

1. Dinner - this has always been an important one for us. One meal a day, (dinner is the one that works for our family) we eat together. We have been trying to avoid bringing phones to the table or answering ones that ring nearby. We've also been very strict about our son not reading while eating with us.

The boys collect sticks on one of our evening walks

2. Walks - we like to walk. It started when our nine year old was about two. We made a habit of walking after dinner. As we moved about, this has had to be adapted to time and location constraints. We walked around a local sporting club when we lived in Cairo, all over town especially on weekends (and sometimes at dinner) when we lived in a small Romania town and to our area pool when we lived in Malaysia. Walking is important to us, it's fresh air, exercise and casual bonding time.



3. Chores - regardless of whether we are in a place where we have house help or not, the boys are assigned chores. This has been a fluid process shifting from teaching them and having them help me to assigning clear every day work they must complete. It works well for us that each member contributes to family life (although for now my boys would disagree, grumble and probably tell you I'm the meanest mom in the world).

4. Prayers at bedtime - we do this every night. It's a great way for the boys to end the day and relax before sleeping. We also sometimes do a story either read or made up. Over the years the story has not been an every day thing but rather it comes and goes as we are able to keep it up.

5. Spending time in nature - we have discovered that we like to explore nature. From looking together at bugs in our backyard to zip lining in Alabama, sledding in the forest a few yards away from our house in Romania and hiking up mountains in Alaska. Our family is fascinated by nature and outdoors. We're not huge outdoors people with all the gear and know how, just a family that likes to get outdoors even if it's to cycle around the neighborhood.

6. Breakfast - this is a tradition I inherited from my family. Every Friday morning my dad cooked up a big breakfast and we all gathered together to eat. When we're all in the same country, my family still do this and we all cherish it. My husband and I have upheld this tradition and I can see that it means a lot to my boys. There was a phase where we had slacked off due to a move that was followed by the birth of baby Z and then a serious illness my husband had and my boys would wake up some weekends to another cereal breakfast and complain "No! We want a BIG breakfast!"

7. Cooking - I make it a habit to cook with my boys. I try to teach them some recipes and they help with baking pancakes, bread, cookies and even pasta with garlic and olive oil. During my latest health craze they helped me make homemade bath fizzies and lip balm. We 'cook' together from time to time and we all have fun, bond and then they enjoy eating what they helped make.

8. Exploring places - whether it's our new location or a family getaway we've planned, we always try to explore what's around us and learn all about it. On a drive to Texas from Alabama we stopped at the Louisiana State University campus to check out a nearby local coffee shop and their mascot tiger 'Mike' in his enclosure. We explored the wildflowers on campus, climbed the large trees there and found these two steep hills on campus that children would roll down. Among the many many trips we took all over Romania, one was to a salt mine which was breathtaking.

9. The Clean Team - In "Raising Global Nomads," Pascoe mentioned this idea where since their repatriation meant no household help, her entire family would clean the house together once a week. Let's see, it involves teamwork, learning cleaning skills, communication and coordination and best of all MAJOR help for me! We just started this last week but I'm really hoping it will be a keeper!